Where to begin!?

We started by looking at the possibility of never, ever moving again. After moving 10 times with John, I had come to a conclusion: Moving is cute when you are 20-something. Moving with 2 kids, 2 cats, a dog, a 55 gallon aquarium, and a husband? Not so much. The realization begins before the move: I have too much crap! Crap I don't even know that I have. I need someplace bigger to keep this crap. Apparently, so I can display the crap. Why? I don't know. I guess so people can come over to see my crap, tell me I have nice crap, eventually encouraging me to buy new crap.

The trials and tribulations on building a house start with the floor plan. Why has the housing market been saturated with house plans with such a ridiculous notion on how today's families live? Speaking of crap why are there only half baths on the first floor? If I want to retire in this house, I want a full bath. Our friend Leon says "Hey! There is a toilet in your closet." Quite frankly, the closets in this house are bigger. I am sure for some people washing their hands while still sitting down may be intriguing. I believe it to be claustrophobic and outhouse like. There is not even room for toilet paper storage. I think I need to install an intercom system. I am the finder of the empty roll.

I know I can't afford a custom builder. Therefore, I get a dining room. I want a huge, eat-in kitchen where my friends and family can congregate, drink wine, and celebrate life. I guess I sound like I need a commune, not a kitchen. Family and friends are very important to me; mostly because they tell me I have nice crap! Really, everyone ends up in the kitchen. That is where they keep the food.

Where does this formal dining room come in? I don't think I know anyone that wants to be formal. I had a doll house when I was a kid. The table was set with cute dishes all the time. Barbie had almost everything! Barbie did not have two kids, two cats, a dog and a husband. I hate to break it to you: Ken was not her husband. He was her gay friend that went shoe shopping with her. I wish I had one of those.

I seriously question if Ryan Homes has been to a home show since 1970? Until just recently, they were still using brass fixtures. If you sell your home, one of the things a realtor tells you is UPDATE your lighting. Ryan also gives you mirrored closet doors. I wanted to ask if they offered (as an $ upgrade $ of course) the mirrors over the bed.

Family room, living room? The Family/Living rooms are very small. I wonder whose family is that small. Certainly not mine. Not in quantity or stature. I guess it is a good thing we are close and if not we will be. The formal living room. I think the parents are supposed to go there to entertain guests and get away from the children. It is supposed to have the nice furniture in it. It is where your friends can see, apparently, your nicest crap. I just taught my kids to not act like animals and refused to buy red kool-aid. I want to enjoy the nice furniture and enjoy my family in a decent sized living room without the formal I-am-trying-to-impress-you, you-can't- put-your-feet-on-the-coffee-table atmosphere. That is not where the word home comes from.

In the master baths, they constantly offer the jacuzzi tub. The jets are horribly placed for any kind of relief. Really, how many adults take out that much time to sit in a tub with water that gets cold because there is no heater in it? I want one of those kicking jacuzzi showers. Now that would be an $ upgrade $ worth getting. Of course this is not an option.

The last comment I have on the plans for this house is... why do the locks on the kids rooms go on the inside?

It may not start off being everything we hoped but, as everyone knows, I have a lot of paint brushes, friends, and crap and it will be eventually!